Finding Wonderland?

Who am I?
I.d.e.n.t.i.t.y is not just a word, it is who we are, it is where we came from and what we stand for, or more importantly it is OUR OWN impression of who we are that defines our identity.

Now some of that identity is molded through nurture, through life experiences, and through personality...but an integral part of our identity is knowing from whence we came.

It is different for adopted children. No denying it. You can talk the talk but until you have walked in the shoes of a child who was somehow separated from their birthparents and/or their birthcountry you can't really imagine what it must feel like to have that piece of the puzzle missing, and in most cases impossible to uncover. I'm certainly not the one to assume I know what my daughters are feeling or will feel as their lives continue, I cannot fathom the paths they will take and the discoveries they will make for themselves as they eek out understanding why things are the way they are. What I can do however is arm my children with compassion, empathy, self assuredness, curiosity, and a sense of peace that will come with the knowledge that who they will be and how they will live their lives in light of their adoption not in spite of it!

(thank you Auntie Kris for such powerful words)

There is a large community of adult trans racial/international adoptees that struggle openly from the questions above and as a 'new' adoptive parent I have learnt many a valuable lesson and gleamed much worthy advice from those who have gone before us. Still it resonates when you hear the bitterness of unresolved angst and sadness. Sure, it's but a section of adoptees, I've had MANY internationally adopted adults seek me out in the store, at gymnastics, school, restaurants and swimming lessons to ask me the heritage of my girls only to congratulate me on how sweet they are and how they themselves were adopted as infants or small children from lands afar. You see there is a a very visible black and white in this equation, but also a lot of gray!

As a parent with absolutely no 'personal' exposure of the 'primal' loss of identity that I seek to find answers for my children. Which is why, we are doing everything in our power to search for our daughters birthparents. It is a daunting task, but after procuring a birthparent analysis from Research-China we believe we have a good chance that someday, with some luck, and a lot of research, and hopefully with help we just might be able to find some answers that someday could help our daughters understand and hopefully give them a link to their identities.

One hopes, that sometimes looking back can improve how we move forward.

Gymnastics + Piper = Happy

The 'TEAM'

We started Piper in gymnastics when she was three. She took to it like a fish takes to water...she LOVED it. As time passed she worked her way through the different levels until last year when she was invited to join the 'team'. At this point, it's not competitive, it's purely about gaining the skills needed to compete later on should she decide to follow that path, and in the interim it is giving her some great skills. Her love of the sport however is not the motivator for us...sure, it's great to see your child enjoy and excel at a sport but for us it is SO MUCH MORE...you see, Piper needs gymnastics as much as that afore mentioned fish needs H2O. NEEDS? I hear you say...surely not, I mean no child 'needs' a sport...which is probably quite true, but for Piper, this is her 'release' her 'happy place' her 'safety zone'.

It's that 'need' that motivates me to go without in order to make sure she can continue with this as long as possible. Gymnastics gives Piper more than we could ever have hoped for, it gives her...peace.

When you have a child who struggles with some of the emotional turmoil associated with adoption (RAD, PTSD, SPD) you hope and pray you can find something that 'helps', something that will take just a little bit of the madness and insanity away from daily life, for us, it's gymnastics.

Holy fashion week Batman!

I don't even know what to say about the sandals.

SMILE

Show & Tell letter 'L'Today is Show and Tell day at preschool. The letter of the day is L. Piper knew immediately what she wanted to take to school, a locket...although she was prompt in pointing out that the necklace on which the locket was hung started with the letter 'N', but the locket starts with 'L' and that's what matters the most. I asked her what she wanted to tell the class at show and tell, and she said

"oh no Mummy, I want to write a story to read to my class"

While the story itself is clearly plagiarised (The Little Mermaid II), I thought she did a nice job in the category for 'adaptation of Disney movie for preschool presentation'

New winter Olympic sport

dogbasketsnowball.

MENU MONDAY

In an effort to manage our household budget, we are going back to meal planning. We have found that if we plan ahead our grocery bills are much lower and that we end up having much better meals as well. Since it's so snowy outside I decided to make today a cooking day...I started by cracking open the Pioneer Woman's cookbook to one of my favorite chili recipes...I just 'organic-ize' it for our family. I always feel her recipes are easily changed to accommodate whatever needs you might have, and since we had Bison in our freezer I made Bison Chili instead of Beef Chili...mmmmmmmm...yum.I love this recipe, it's really easy and delicious, and makes enough for TWO family meals plus a few 'lunches' for Mike to take to work.

mmmmm...spices!

MONDAY - red wine chicken with creamy risotto & carrots

TUESDAY - leftover pot roast on ciabatta rolls with gravy and mashed potatoes

WEDNESDAY - bison chili with blue cornbread

THURSDAY - taco salad

FRIDAY - chicken spaghetti with salad

SATURDAY - fish & chips

SUNDAY - V-Day, going out to Salut with the gift certificates Poppy & Dede gave us for Christmas...yummo!

this is a pretty meat heavy week for us, I'm not sure why? Perhaps the weather? Paisley will be thrilled, chili is one of her favorite dishes! Both girls love the PW's chicken spaghetti, we tend to do it once or twice a month on Fridays and skip the cooking of a whole fryer, and buy a rotissere chicken from the supermarket instead...saves on dishes AND the store has a Friday special on all rotissere chickens...the 5 buck cluck! See...money savin' all over the place!

"I ready go Chinese School"

I really wasn't sure if I was going to send Paisley to pre school this coming September...but as the registration day draws closer(2/8), I've begun to realize that she would benefit greatly by the social interaction. She has been painfully shy up until a few months ago but is beginning to bloom, for example she would never speak out in public, but in the past month or so she will chatter with us and sometimes with others when we are out and about. She is starting to ask if she can go to "school like Piper", and she seems to understand the concept of me taking her and picking her up afterwards. I know it's time, especially since we don't know many children Paisleys age, and at Piper's birthday a few weeks ago Paisley said "I want a my little pony party, with a my little pony balloon, a my little pony cake wiff three candles, and my little pony hats...and I need some friends"...at which point she looked up at me all forlorn and stated "but I no have any friends"...which made me realize that it's time.